Today my mind is scattered.

There are so many thoughts running through my head that I can't seem to get straight.

I wonder what I should do about where I'm living. I know what would be sensible, but is it really the right thing to do, for my happiness' sake?

My feelings for Tori are real, but the problems I'm having reconciling our differences and the issues others are having with us. She is very mixed up, and is struggling with thoughts that will seriously harm her. It's heartbreaking and I wish there was something I could do to help her. Every day, I try to remind her how much she means to me. Her family love her (in their way) and she is so strong and so brave. She is beautiful, intelligent and so kind, but she can't see it. I'm terrified of losing her, but I'm at a loss.

This is uppermost in my mind, and I have no answers.

Everything else pales in comparison.

A Constant Fight

Why does nothing good ever come easy?

Tori....

Struggling with little support for my choices. Very little motivation to... well... live.

Can see how things need to change, but it's going to be a very long and difficult road.

Tori helps... but still having to keep a lid on something that i want to just run with. To which, as anyone who knows me will attest, I'm not good at.

I'm very tired of this.

Minnie understands, but doesn't condone. Her opinion means everything to me, so this is the hardest to deal with.

Absinthe wants to meet Tori. but the distance makes it almost impossible.

Tori's family seems to be accepting me... but I'm still very aware that I'm under careful scrutiny... and I'm not doing too well...

Really want Red to come home. I want to talk to her about everything, but I'm scared she's going to warn me off Tori too...

All I know is that I'm starting to feel stronger because of her. She makes me laugh, and keeps my head up.

Hope is my only resort now.